


Candy

by averzierlia



Category: STXI - Fandom
Genre: Crack, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-30
Updated: 2010-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-17 17:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averzierlia/pseuds/averzierlia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Candy. Candy candy candy. Where did they hide it? (obligatory halloween fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Candy

“If we don't find the candy soon, I'm going to shank a bitch,” Jim announces to Spock and Sulu.

“Indeed,” Spock agrees, giving the room a narrow eyed look before checking for candy under the bed.

Sulu just grunts.

“I feel shaky, are my hands shaky?” Jim looks at his hands, which are indeed shaking.

Sulu checks and says “Yup,” before going back to searching the bathroom for their confiscated stash.

Jim gives his hands a betrayed look.

“Why,” Sulu suddenly wonders, “Are we looking for our candy in a yeoman's quarters? McCoy and Uhura wouldn't have stashed it here.”

Both Jim and Spock freeze, looking at each other, then at Sulu. “Scotty,” they both say at exactly the same time.

They all head for the door.

  
Down in engineering, the fourth member of their candy hunting party, who had been captured not long before, was pleading with CEO Montgomery Scott for the candy stash he was sure was hidden in engineering.

“Fuck my _life_ ,” Scotty mutters, doing his level best to ignore Pavel's pretty eyes and soft lips and adorable accent and the begging for just 'one more piece of candy, please, I'll do anything'.

Someone hated him. He had a vague feeling that it might be Archer's ancestors.

“Chekov! There you are!” and oh god, it's the Captain, he's so fucked.

Scotty glances in the direction the voice came from and oh god, he is so _so fucked_ , because not only is it the Captain, it's also Spock and Sulu.

Scotty comes to the conclusion he's going to _die_ and runs for it.

Spock catches him before he gets 3 meters.

“The candy-” he starts, but Scotty cuts him off.

“I dinna know where it is! They thought I was a weak link and didn't tell me where it is!” he babbles, scrunching his eyes shut and waiting for the end. Instead of death, he gets dropped to the ground. He risks opening his eyes to see Sulu untying Pavel.

After they all head off (after thoroughly searching for their candy first) Scotty takes out his comm. “Er, Engineering to the Bridge?”

  
They capture one of the security guards, hoping that their traitor friends would have told them where it is. After a few minutes of questioning, Cupcake, hoping to get the fuck out of this while he still could, asks “Why don't you just modify a replicator or something?” causing them all to freeze and mentally cheer that the idea of unlimited candy.

And so they head to the mess, knowing that the biggest replicator is there, and also knowing that no one will expect them to head there, because who would hide candy in the kitchen? It was the first place they looked.

Jim and Spock take the right side replicator and Sulu and Chekov take the left, and they make short work of modifying them for candy.

“Candy, candy, candy,” Jim chants as he and Spock eat candy corn and Chekov giggles around his marshmallow bar from across the room. Sulu looks up from his gummy bears and demands “Why didn't we think of this earlier?”

  
Several hours later, when McCoy and Uhura track them down, they're all naked.

The reason they're naked, of course, falls under the category of 'It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time'.

“Are you,” Uhura starts, kicking Jim in the leg, “did you have _sex_ with my _boyfriend_?” she demands, glaring at Jim and Spock, who are curled around each other.

“I think they had a chocolate orgy,” McCoy says dryly, surveying the four who are all tangled up near each other, and all covered in chocolate.

“I'm breaking up with you,” Uhura informs Spock.

“Dibs,” says Kirk.

Spock does a very passable imitation of a purr.


End file.
